Why humility is the key trait for a fulfilling career and the role luck plays in happiness.
It's summer in Amsterdam, and I've been invited by my Dutch HR manager to attend the Salesforce meeting. Typically, sales figures and other KPIs are presented, but this time there's also a Q&A session with the local management and me.
After the usual questions about the corporate strategy for the coming years or personal questions about balancing my job with family life, a colleague in the second-to-last row speaks up: "How do I become a Brand Manager?" Some in the audience laugh, others chat with their neighbors, but the look on my colleague's face tells me she's serious. When I counter-question when she wants to take this career step, she replies, "Now." Everyone in the room has since realized that the mood has shifted from casual to serious, and the room grows quieter. I finally ask which country she envisions taking this career step in, and she responds that only the Netherlands would be suitable for her.
My reply silences the room:
"No matter how hard you try, no matter how convinced you are that you deserve it: you'll need a damn lot of luck!"
I take a few steps towards the audience and draw the first circle in the air with my index finger.
The TriPPPle Model
What do I really want? What's my goal? That's the first circle you define, the "Pursuit" or as we say in German, "Das Bedürfnis" for something.
In the example mentioned, "Pursuit" is the Brand Manager position. In reality, it could be something entirely different, like a romantic relationship or just recognition. Even after defining it, Pursuit can still remain variable (more on that later).
To achieve something, another "P" is of interest. One must consider how important it is to achieve the desired goal (Pursuit) in as short a time (Pace). Time is relative, so it's of particular interest. Without a clearly defined period or time, this element can become diluted. Pace could be "two to three years", but it must be defined.
The third variable to consider is the desired location (Place). This could be geographically defined, as in our example "in the Netherlands", or it could be in another company.
This gives the three essential elements for the TriPPPle model: Pursuit, Pace, and Place.
In my example, my colleague wanted the Brand Manager position (Pursuit), now (Pace) in the Netherlands (Place). My answer was that she would need a lot of luck for that. If all three factors come together, one might consider oneself very lucky. Often, we hear of people who were in the right place at the right time to achieve something specific. This fits precisely with the TriPPPle model definition: They were lucky.
A side note for the "I don't believe in luck" group: Call it fate.
However, it's more likely that one will have to make compromises in one of the three "P"s, regardless of how hard one has worked or believes one deserves it.
Returning to the example: My colleague could have been promoted to a new position in the Netherlands (Place) immediately (Pace), but not to the Brand Manager (Pursuit) since it wasn't available. If she wants a new position in the Netherlands right away, it's possible, but it might be "Something" different.
However, it's not unlikely that one might initially have to compromise on Pace or Place, as Pursuit often drives decisions. My colleague could have waited for the position to become available, which would have given her the Brand Manager position at our Dutch branch but at some indefinite time in the future "Somewhen". She could also move to another branch of our company as a Brand Manager or leave the company and join a competitor in this position, which in both cases would be "Somewhere" else.
And thus, the TriPPPle model is complete.
"You Can't Have It All" unless you're very lucky. Either you get your desired position right away, but somewhere. Or you get the desired position at your desired location, but at some point in the future. You might even get a new position at your desired location right away, but it's often something different.
So, what does all of this have to do with humility and happiness? And how does the TriPPPle model fit into this?
Humility and Happiness
Humility is a great virtue in all these cases. The art of accepting things that are not in one's own hands makes a big difference.
In times when we get everything delivered to our doorstep the next day with Amazon Prime, or get a date on the same evening with Tinder if needed, people find it increasingly difficult to accept that different rules apply outside of this world. This is all the more important when we are confronted with a complex situation involving multiple stakeholders, and we can only influence or even see a part of it.
In Nikos Dimou's book "On the Misfortune of Being Greek," one finds a definition of unhappiness: The greater the distance between desires and one's own reality, the unhappier one is.
Conversely, this means that the closer reality comes to your own wishes, the happier you are. You cannot avoid doing more to achieve your wishes, but if you accept with a bit of humility that you can't always have everything and compromise on one of the three "P"s, it reduces the distance between wish and reality and is the first step towards happiness.
The TriPPPle model can therefore be used very well in feedback discussions to create more understanding in the counterpart as to why personal expectations do not always match complex reality. The visualization helps to clarify that it is a very dominant demand to insist on all three Ps. Once this basic scheme is explained, you can discuss with your counterpart which of the three Ps might have more flexibility to ultimately achieve the goal.
Especially when you feel stuck, you must ask yourself this question. The path you have taken in the past cannot be changed. This leads many people to the misconception that they have already set their course in the same direction for the future. This is a fundamental mistake. With more self-reflection and flexibility in one of the three elements of the TriPPPle model, entirely new paths open up that are worth exploring. Give it a try!
In conclusion, for those who wondered what happened to my colleague: She is now a Brand Manager at our branch in Portugal. Olá!
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