We have so far only known "Social Credit Systems" from China. Yet, we all live in a system that operates very similarly in terms of interpersonal relationships.
Our last trip took us to Amsterdam, where we were introduced to TriPPPle This time, we're traveling to the USA, to New York City. My audience is more intimate, and the beer is indeed better. I'm sitting with the executives of the US subsidiary in a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan. Although we had firmly resolved not to talk about work that evening, it takes just 0.317 of a Margarita and, unsurprisingly, we find ourselves discussing work.
Our Vice President for Sales & Marketing criticizes the lack of courtesy in an email from the corporate headquarters to her team. Since I am already familiar with the email thread and know that it's a trivial matter, I draw a smiley face on a napkin, place a '1' in each corner, and lay it in front of her on the table.
"Linda, if you want us to tackle this issue, it will cost you a 'Pain-In-The-Ass Ticket', and that's not just with me."
The Pain-In-The-Ass Ticket (P.I.T.A. Ticket)
There are numerous studies that explore how networks and interpersonal relationships are formed. This includes the relationships between individuals as well as social networks and systems at large. Those who want to delve deeper should read "Social Network Analysis" by Stanley Wasserman and Katherine Faust. On the purely interpersonal level, some work with standardized questionnaires. The "Revised Dyadic Adjustment Scale" (RDAS), for instance, outputs a score attempting to quantify the quality of a relationship (such as a marriage).
The idea of the P.I.T.A. Ticket moves in a similar direction but is more metaphorical. It aims to prompt the other person to better understand the impact of their own behavior without laying claim to a scientific standard.
Let's assume that with everyone we interact with, we have a credit of five P.I.T.A. Tickets. Small favors among colleagues and friends are usually free, but as the number of these small favors increases, or if the effort involved becomes greater, one reaches the point where one becomes a Pain-In-The-Ass for the other person. And that costs.
Back to our example: Linda wants to open the can of worms that, from her perspective, an email is not politely enough phrased. That I have to deal with such things is a Pain-In-The-Ass for me, especially since at that time we had significantly more important problems to solve. Even though I get along well with Linda, this time she uses up one of her five P.I.T.A. Tickets with me, particularly because it's not the first time she has tied up my energy and time in side issues. Moreover, the author of the email, who is yet unaware of her luck, will soon have to grapple with this topic. A call from the HR Director, a meeting, or at least a phone call to discuss "a problem" is something that usually brings little joy and quickly becomes a P.I.T.A. If it costs Linda only one P.I.T.A. Ticket with me because we understand each other well, the price is unfortunately higher with my colleague at headquarters, as the two have a less good relationship with each other.
The relationship between two people defines the price that has to be paid for being a Pain-In-The-Ass. This is also consistent with the 2nd axiom of Paul Watzlawick: "Every communication has a content and a relationship aspect." We modify this axiom by replacing the word "communication" with "interaction" and focus on the relationship part. Therefore, the first Buff's Axiom states:
"Every interaction has a relational aspect."
The better the relationship between two people, the cheaper the Pain-In-The-Ass price, the fewer tickets are needed.
Once all five P.I.T.A. Tickets are used up, the relationship begins to deteriorate. Bad news!
When the point is reached where one has exhausted the P.I.T.A. Tickets with someone, a conflict arises. Although conflicts, both in professional and private life, are sometimes unavoidable, they can also have positive effects under certain circumstances. The nature of the relationship between the involved parties is decisive. It determines whether the conflict has positive or only negative effects.
A circumstance that is often underestimated is that a conflict with one person inevitably leads to collateral damage and spreads to people who originally had nothing to do with the initial conflict. Following the escalation stage theory by Friedrich Glasl, a conflict inevitably extends to the environment from stage 4, the 'formation of coalitions', onwards.
If you have used up all P.I.T.A. Tickets with someone and a conflict builds up that reaches the fourth stage of "coalition formation," then this conflict begins to consume P.I.T.A. Tickets among people who are actually uninvolved. Without being aware of it, one pays an ever-increasing price within an ever-widening circle. Understanding this is so important because the conflict multiplies due to coalition formation. The negative impacts of this phenomenon are significantly more severe than we may realize at first. Because once all P.I.T.A. Tickets are exhausted even among the environment of the conflicting parties, new conflicts arise and the vicious cycle continues.
The decision whether a "Pain In The Ass" is really worth spending a ticket on should therefore always be made considering the personal relationship with the other person and the previous P.I.T.A.s, as the extent of the consequences can be underestimated.
The good news is that P.I.T.A. Tickets regenerate over time. According to our relationship and price chart, however, one may find oneself in the meantime at a point on the curve where the price is higher and it accordingly takes longer to accumulate enough P.I.T.A. Tickets to be able to afford a Pain-In-The-Ass again.
Sometimes it's necessary to spend a P.I.T.A. Ticket to resolve an important issue. What's important is being aware of when it's worth investing a ticket and when it's not.
In summary, the metaphor of P.I.T.A. Tickets can be a useful tool for making the dynamics of interpersonal relationships more tangible. It reminds us that our interactions with others have consequences and that we must handle our relationships responsibly. By using our P.I.T.A. Tickets consciously and strategically, we reduce conflicts and ensure that they do not cause collateral damage within a wider circle.
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